regret?

have you ever felt regret? i bet everyone had it. and this is what happening to me now.

it's 5:51 AM, im already open my pc. then i looked someone was updating his status. "his". yeah, it refers to my ex boyfriend. curious about his condition, i opened his facebook. i looked his photos.

geez, i dont know how those feelin could come. i felt so regret. no no, i mean... i feel regret. 8 years a go.........

i throw him carelessly. he's the one and only who treated me so well. he did what i like. he never angry with me. he loved me so much. he always tried his best to made me happy. and once again i said he was the one and only who treated me SO WELL. but i didn't. i left him for someone who still stand beside me until now on. if he compares with ogy, he stills win. after

broke up with me he got 2 girlfriends after that. and he stills said that he always be love me.

but, its only from the past. i just dont know why suddenly this feeling come up. whereas, we met in his wedding. but this feeling is just coming up.

dear you over there,

im so sorry for what ive done. im so sorry that you didnt get what youve already expected from me. im so sorry that i never gave you a chance to kiss me. you re so nice boy. but i hope youre already got someone better. i always pray for your happiness with your wife. and may you have a cute and lovable family that youre starting to build now. im so sorry. hope you're already happy with your life now...

i woke up this morning caused by my daddy's car. yeah, he went to his office and as usual i dont know because i was still gluing to the bed and blanket. i saw my blackberry and found 3 bbms. from lucky, kak ardi, and alnogi. i read them and put them off. i turned the tv on. seriously, this problem is killing me. i cant be in a quiet room alone. so i decided to went out my room. then finding my mom, she goes to her friend's house. making a hot dilmah tea is one of my favourite thing in the morning. ah, life is too beautiful. i dont wanna mess my life up with the unimportant things like that. i have to move on. waking up and close the old book. i have to walk with ive got right now. im starting my new life today. im trying. and thank god its friday. happy holiday!

Its been so long

its been so long i didnt write. and how i miss writing. lately too much pressure. too much problems. i need to talk with someone, but i cant. so i escape from the real world. i think writting is the best way to share all of mine.

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me, someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see

I don't want to be part of the problem and I try so hard to get roughed up. Then there's you screaming say something, I get so jealous that I can't even work. I don't like what I see. I don't know how it's become such a problem. How can they ask why I feel so angry?

Do you see my problem if I never explain it? But then there's you asking me how long. And i answered it's taken me so long.

I don't want to live my life like a story. I'm staring from a distance and why don't you come get a closer look?

I want to get myself back, I'm wondering where did they go?

yeah . kemarin saya pergi sama kakak saya dan pacarnya . kita pergi ke tebet . karena saya mau beli baju buat kuliah dan buat eurotrip . aminamin . hehehe . kita berangkat bertiga aja , pukul setengah 12an lah . nyampe sana panaaaaas bener yah .oiya kata temen saya bloops dan endorse seang ada diskon up to 70% . hmm jadi penasaran . pas masuk ke endorse eh ko pada antri . ternyata barang-barang yang di diskon itu baru buka nya jam 2 . ya udah saya jalan lagi . abis muter-muter gitu tapi perut gak bisa di ajak kompromi . abis itu makan di Ibu Bandung . abis darisana mampir ke endorse sebentar beli barang2 diskon itu . hahaha . ya udah terusannya ke itc kuningan nganterin kakak saya . abis dari sana lapar lagi . tadi nya mau nonton terminator 3 , kalo ga di gading ya di fx . tapi enggak jadi lagi . terusannya kita makan sushi aja di sushi naga . abis dari sana hmm pulang deh . terus pacaran sampai larut malam hahahaha .

i love 2oo9 :)

hai hai . long time no update again . feel so lazy to update this blog . hahahaa . it's almost midnight , and i'm still online . i miss this moment . what's goin on lately ? hmmm , nothing special . the next 2 weeks , im going to face the final test , wish me luck :) . oh ya , i almost forget to tell , i can't wait until this 29th . because that day , i'll celebrate my anniversary with my boy . 5 years friends... ahahaha . can't believe i can pass as long as it takes . hmm , too much plans on this holiday .
next week im going to go to puncak with my besties , and then next August i'll have a holiday with my campus's friends to go to Bali . i hope my boy can join with us . but it still on a plan . and the plan that i cant wait from now on is , IM GOING TO GO FOR EUROTRIP . oh man , really can't believe this . this is really my dream come true . my dream since i was kid . i just can imagine that on my mind . but now hey , hahaha . speechless when my parents told that . aww. i hope it will become true . amien .

today was wonderful

hari ini awalnya menyebalkan..tapi lama-lama enggak juga,menyenangkan malah...hehehe
tadi bangun tidur kesiangan,terus gak solat subuh..astagfirulah..sedih banget deh..padahal adzan di hape gw udah bangunin tuh pas subuh,tapi tetep aja kebo..hehehe
terus udah gitu ternyata mobil mau dipake kakak gw,karena mobil yang 1 nya rusak..ya udah deh,gw sms oris kalo ga jadi pergi..ternyata si oris juga ga bisa,mau jagain adenya..eh kata tiar anak-anak juga ga bisa..ya udah deh bataal..mana di rumah sepi bener..bonyok sm mba dira ke jogja..alhasil gw di rumah cm sama pembokat dan eyang..huhhh..si ogy disuruh kerumah abis dzuhur malah dtg abis ashar ckck..ya udah tambah bete..tapi si ogy lagi nyenengin..gw kan tadi sms ogy "Al,ke rumah..main masak2an hehe"..abis sholat gw langsung masak buat ogy..tapi bahan2 nya gak ada book..sepi bener yah persediaan makanan dirumah..akhirnya masak ngasal,tapi ogy sukaaa...yeeeaaah!!!
abis itu yaa magrib,mandi terus solat..itu suasana ruang tivi tadi enaaaak bgt..sambil nyalain lampu kecil gitu,suasananya reman-remang gimana gitu..tapi gw ngga ngapa2in loh..hahaha...makan chitato,minum ice latte,nonton punch-drunk love di HBO,sambil pacaran pula..enak banget dah..hahaha..dah lama banget gak pacaran kayak gini.. i love you so much,Alnogi Aji Wijayaaa..

LONG TIME NO POST..UDAH PUNYA SIM A DONGS SEKARANG..HEHEHEHE

akhirnya akhirnya

akhirnyaaaa..setelah rasa gak sabaran gw melandaaa..kemaren si ogi nganterin gw ke pim..hihihihi..cuma gak bisa lama-lama karena besokannya harus kuliah..berangkat jam setengah 6,abis itu nyampe sana pas banget pas lagi magrib..nyampe sana ambil duit terus langsung solat..gak pake basa basi langsung ke musiklub buat ambil dvd the final riot..ahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuhaua...senang...masih gak nyangka aja..ya ampun ya amppun gw punya dvd nya??itu di Indonesia kan belum dijual...hihihihi...
abis itu langsung aja ke heavenly blush..gw penasaran banget ama frozen yoghurt yang satu ini...nyampe sana agak sedikit bingung mau milih yang mana..ada yang original,zero sugar,pomegranate, ama green apple..tapi gw milih yang original sama topping mochi...iiihh enak bangeeeeeetttt!!!mau heavenly blush lagi...hihihihi

i'll get the cd and dvd of the final riot as soon as possible

setelah nunggu sekitar 2 bulaaaan..akhirnya..akhirnya..akhirnyaa...dapat confirm dr musiklub pim juga..jadi gini,tanggal 13 desember 2008 yang lalu gw mesen dvd+cd final riot di musiklub PIM..nah kemaren pas lagi asik2nya tidur,eh ada sms dari orang musiklub...yeaaahhhh..dvd ama cd nya udah bisa gw ambil..gak sabar mau ke piiim...hihihihihihihihihihihihihii!!!!!!!

mixed

bete..hufh..akhir-akhir ini emang hari yang sangat ngebetein banget...yang pertama gw sangat keselin adalah,ada salah satu junior gw yang menurut gw kelewatan banget..dia nyelengkat gw sampe gw bener-bener jatoh..dan dia cuma ketawa,bahkan ketawa kenceeeeeeng banget tanpa keluar kata maaf dari mulut dia ketika gw jatoh...bener-bener kurang ajar dan kelewatan..dan dia minta maaf cuma gitu doang..abisannya ngerasa cuek dan gak mikirin kalo ada masalah..gila..bener-bener ngelunjak..aah ya udah sih,ngapain gw capek-capek mikirin kayak begituan,sangat buang-buang waktu...

udah gitu hari selasa,bangun kesiangan..untungnya ogi jemput agak lamaan..udah gitu sarapan dulu lah gw...tapi kok udah setengah 7 si ogi gak dateng2 yaah??pas gw cek hp,ya Allah...tu handphone sim card registration failed mulu yah..akhiirnya gw telvon..ternyata ban nya dia bocor..yaudah akhirnya gw ke depan komplek deh..eh mana helm gw pake kelupaan segala lagi..ya udah abis itu jam 7 kurang selesai..tapi gw gak yakin kalo misalnya bakalan tepat waktu sampe kampus..eh ternyata pas sampe daerah meruya ban nya bocor lagi..aaaaaaaaa sedih deeeh :'(..mana hari itu SP hari pertama,sayang banget kalo misalnya enggak ikut...tapi apa boleh buat..akhirnya gw sms nurina buat titip absen(kalo bisa)..udah gitu di tengah jalan ujan derasss...astajimmmm...tambah sedih lagi gw..ini ngebuat gw ngerasa tambah gak mungkin buat ikut matkul pertama..yaaaahh...ya udah..mana di tengah jalan bener2 kebelet pup lagi gw..ya Allaaaaah!!!akhirnya gw mikir,daripada nunggu lama di kampus akhirnya gw memutuskan buat 'neduh' di rumah nenek gw..ya udah akhirnya gw sama ogi kesana..lumayan minum ngeteh sambil nonton si doel..si ogi ngakak banget ngeliat si atun..katanya mirip nimas...hahahaha,kurang ajar deh tuh anak..abis itu ujan reda,akhirnya tancep lagi kekampus..nyampe kampus buruk banget penampilan gw..oh so shit meen!!!tapi alhamdulillah banget,ternyata nurina bisa absenin gw walaupun hampir 3kali ketauan..makasih sayaaaaaaaaang!!!eh tapi masa agama gw sekelompok sama si ryan sih??huuuh bete deh..tapi yaudhlah gpp,dr pada gak dapet kelompok iyakan??nyampe rumah langsung online terus ngecek nilai..and oh my godness..matek gw dapet D??aaaah reseh banget sih...sebel deh ih..ya udah...udah gitu kemaren pas gw cek IP gw,ternyata kecil banget...cuma 2.43...huaaaaaaaa!!!sebel...cuma bisa ambil 20 sks aja..huhuhhu...padahal gw yakin,gw mampu untuk lebih dari itu..lagian nanggung banget..dikit lagiiiii aja gw bisa ambil 22 sks..huhuhuhu...sedih deh aaaaah!!!!

terus malemnya anvi sama oris ke rumah..it means bakal gila-gilaan lagi..hihihi...as usual...kita selalu foto2 di laptop..tapi kali ini ampe bikin video segala..huahahahaha..

UAS

currently mood : lazy
currently song : miss you love - silverchair

hello world..deuuh lagi minggu-minggu UAS nih...hufh..semoga bisa dapet IP yang bagus dan tinggi deh amien amien..hehehe..UAS hari pertama sih pengantar ekonomi mikro..yah lumayan lah..tapi gw sih udah pesimis aja gak lulus...yaah secara dosennya itu pelit banget kalo ngasih nilai..salah 1 kata aja dia udah gak mau nilai..ya udah jadinya pesimis lah gw..terus UAS keduanya bahasa inggris..yaah lumayan lah,cuma listening nya aja agak susah beuh bener-bener deh enggak lebay..soal lulus apa enggaknnya sih gak tau deh,tapi yang penting kan UTS bahasa inggris gw udah lulus,jadinya yaa gpp kalo gak lulus juga hehehehe..UAS ketiga nih pengantar ekonomi makro..gw yakiin banget sih lulus hahahaha pede banget yahh...nah yang UAS ke empat ini nih...pengantar akuntansi I...hahhaha..nih gw ceritain yah..jadi waktu itu ujan lebat banget pagi-pagi,jadinya si dino jemput gw,ogi,ama teo di rumah..akhirnya kita berangkat entah kenapa terfikir lewat tol bintaro..ternyata macet totaaaal tal tal tal..dan ada rasa gak mungkin buat kita ikut UAS pengantar akuntansi...hmmm...nyampe kampus ternyata jam setengah 10..telat bangettt..et et tapi ternyata untung masuknya jam sembilan..hehehe..telat 30menit deh hehehe gpp..ohiya akhirnya mobilnya dino tuh di titipin di UKI...dr sana kita naik ojek..eh mana ojek gw bannya sempet bocor..astagfirullah,kenapa bisa sial banget sih yahhhhh!!!!sampe kelas untung dosennya baik,dia bilang..udah santai aja,jangan grogi gitu ntar malah gak bisa loh ngerjainnya..hahahaha..tapi emang bener..udah gak bisa,tambah gak bisa aja gw..itu gw ngerjain juga dapet contekan dr ginanda ama dicky..hahaha emang bego deh ah kalo urusan PA gw maaah...terus abis itu UAS statistik I...GOSH!!gak nyangka aja men ama soalnya..bener2 sama persis kayak yang dipelajarin sma gw..jadi yaa lumayan lancar lah..nah waktu UAS statistik kan gw yang ngawas dosen matkul nya sendiri tuh,si ibu Nur'aini Chaniago..eh tiba-tiba dia ngomong gini "statistik kalo gak dua kali mah gak afdol yah"..beuuuhh..omaigotgotgot..gampang bener sih dia ngomongnyaa?dengan santai dia bilang lagi,kan masih ada SP..jengjet terot terottt...lo kata SP gak pake duit apaaah..eh tapi ujung-ujungnya dia ngomong gini"kalian mau statistiknya saya lulusin?yaudah kalian bawa pulang soalnya besok kumpulkan ke saya di kampus A"...oh maigootsss...gokil abis gak tuuuh???huahaahahahahaha..jeng jeng..makasih yah buuu...eh tapi pulang-pulang pas gw check web trisakti yah..ternyata makro gw cumma dpt C..huhuhu..sedih deh guaaaa..sombong sih gua hihhihi...yah tapi mau gimana lagi..emang begitu adanya zz..ya udah deh lanjut nanti malem lagi ah nulisnya..mau pergi dulu sama ogi daaahhh

love it

i love hayley's outfit...very cute..oh ya..lately i just feel i like jaguar pattern too..like the one that hayley used on those images...i used the jaguar pattern for my plurk layout and ym pingbox layout..love it much...

CUPCAKES!

don't know why lately i feel i like cupcakes!...

look!!!they're so cute...they make me want to bite them!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

yeah...maybe it's late for say "HAPPY NEW YEAR" for all the people in this whole world..better late then never..hahahaha...hey guys..it's long time for no update..i'm sorry because i felt so lazy to write hahaha lol...how was your NYE guys?good?i hope...and about my NYE..it was AWESOME and GREAT!my NYE was on y house..and it's fun...

???

Why can't you finish what you've started?
Why can't you try and understand?
It doesn't make a bit of difference if you start what you can't finish..Every story needs an ending, after all..I think I've known it for a long time suffice to say,it's been a while...
You're too afraid to face the outcome..quite likely, you're a failure..
It's a shitty thing to say, but hey man - the clock is ticking..and i thought of all the things I'd like to say,cramped up and couldn't write a word all day..
I just waited for my world to fall apart..That's why I'll never finish anything I start!!What fills the magic in the meantime?I know it’s hard without a vice,
You need to find a new solution,Adaptation or retribution...If you truly do believe in something,somehow it all works out...
I'm completely bored with every single word..and nothing ever works and this juvenile search is systematically revealing to me that I need a new approach..
So sick of all the things I'm trying to say..I just waited for my world to fall apart
That's why I'll never finish anything...

i caught my self

Down to you
You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I

Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should've never thought

Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should've never thought

Of you, of you
You're pushing and pulling me
Down to you
But I don't know what I want
No, I don't know what I want
You got it, you got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic, hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless
I hate this, I hate this!
You're not the one I believe in
With God as my witness

Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should've never thought
Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should've never thought

Of you, of you
You're pushing and pulling me
Down to you
But I don't know what I want
No, I don't know what I want

Don't know what I want
But I know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
When I know in my heart it's not you

Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should've never thought
Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should've never thought of you!
I knew, I know in my heart it's not you
I know, but now I know what I want! I want! I want!
Oh no! I should've never thought!

--paramore

kangeeeeuuunnn!!!

yeah..nowdays,felt so broken heart..dont talk about him....yesterday felt so mad with him..then i went home alone without any permitted to him..in the night i really wanted to go somewhere..then suddenly lady sent me a message..she asked me to go out..and i said yes of course..then dela came to my house after that we went to lady's hause..but what...ternyata si dhidhi lagi ribut ama bahok dan eh akhirnya gw,kibo,and kitul nunggu aja ampe setengah 10 baru deh jalan..itu juga cuma makan seafood di regency..tapi enggak apa-apalah...namanya juga kangen,ketemu mereka aja udah seneng banget..oiya..kemaren di bis 44 gak taunya ketemu aja gitu sama donna..hahaha..akhirnya bareng deh kita..sepanjang perjalanan gw ama donna gak abis-abisnya cerita-cerita tentang anak soceia..yang bijeh digosipin punya pacar lah..ah macem-macem banget..and i really miss that moment!!
kangen aboy yang suka agak bokep
kangen anggit yang suka ngasih contekan
kangen arbi yang temen csan nyontek bangetlah kalo lagi ujian
kangen kibo pas kemana-mana naik mio nya dia
kangen donna yang suka ngajarin pelajaran kalo gw gak ngerti
kangen reggy yang pasrah aja kalo dikatain
kangen eby yang suka nemenin gw kemana-mana
kangen jengkol yang tiap maju ke depan keringetannya lebay
kangen hesty yang pasrah aja kalo di cakin dadang
kangen ina yang suka bantuin kalo belajar
kangen intan yang terkadanng suka curhat bareng dia
kangen si om yang kalo kibo gak ada,dimintain anter gw pulang ke rumah selalu jwab ya
kangen dadang yang sentimental abis ama gw
kangen jamban yang suka ngatain gw
kangen bahok yang sering berantem kadang-kadang sama gw
kangen triana yang suka traktir di kantin
kangen dede yang bisa di curhatin
kangen sutika temen sebangku yang enaaaak banget bisa di ajakin apa aja sesuai mood
kangen latipe yang sering ngasih pulsa
kangen sinta yang sering gw godain pake upil ampe hampir nangis
kangen kate yang selalu bikin ketawa anak kelas
kangen bedul yang suka bikin celotehan-celotehan&lagu-lagu gak jelas
kangen mas luki yang alim banget
kangen rifky yang sering dikatain banci tapi diem aja
kangen mute yang sering ngajarin gw bahasa inggris
kangen pinonk yang suka ngomongin debby haha
kangen virna yang pasraaaah banget kalo dikatain dan ikhlas kalo dimintain tolong
kangen lintang yang suka kepedean sendirian
kangen abah yang suka ngelucu
.....................................................................................
kangen pak nyoman yang cs an banget ama gw
kangen bu utami yang suka bawelin kita
kangen sensei denok yang suka ngatain anak-anak kalo lagi belajar
kangen pak adi yang bisa buat di curhatin segala macem hal
kangen bu des yang suka ngecakin gw
kangen bu denok yang baik abis kalo ngajar
kangen bu endang yang suka nasehatin gw
kangen bunda yang suka cerita-cerita
kangen pak franky yang kalo ngajar suka gak jelas
kangen bu euis yang kalo ngajar pasrah aja nak-anak gak mau belajar
kangen pak feri yang suka cengar-cengir sendiri
kangen bu fitri yang suka ngasih masukan
kangen pak asrin yang selalu muji gw
KANGEN BU LIS,yang selalu denger celotehan-celotehan gw
kangen bu ema yang tiap ketemu gw selalu nyubitin pipi gw
kangen bu nunik guru yang sempet ngajar di bta
kangen bu hartini yang sensi abis ama gw
kangen sumairi yang sotoy haha
kangen bu asih yang suka sok banget
.....................................................................................
kangen dateng terlambat terus di suruh lari*tapi kadang kabur atau curang*
kangen nungguin motor sambil gosip
kangen olahraga dilapangan samping
kangen ke wc tiap pelajaran
kangen kalo lagi bengong di depan kelas
kangen ngeliatin anak-anak solat jum'at tapi malah makan
kangen mie ayam kantin bawah
kangen nasi soto si ibu
kangen bubur yang di kantin bawah
kangen somai ito
kangen mie yamin di kantin atas
kangen sosis solo di koperasi
kangen nongkrong di kelas bahasa pas istirahat
kangen kalo istirahat sering ke perpus
kangen solat bareng anak-anak
and there are still lots of stories that i misses...i wish i could turn the time back...ooohhhh!!!sekarang sih kalo kangen cuma bisa liat bts,buka youtube nonton video angkatan 14,ama chatting aja..selebihnya?susah banget ngumpulin anak-anak yang segitu banyak..huhhhhhh!!!

by my side

I never stop feeling strange,cause you never know if you really changed...
You can never tell if your center stage,is thin as glass and never meant a thing...
And you never feel good or bad only strange and unprepared,cause I never see you coming or you leaving..
It's taking time,all this fear I pushed back to move on..beating me like a panic attack since you've gone and if I never fear to be more alone, I do now...
I turn to see my faded tracks in the snow...
I've come so far with no idea where to go..
It's takin' hold of a fool with a fondness for pain and turn to run without a chance to explain..I don't look back to spot where I fell,don't you look back, and don't you ever tell..cause we know pride, it doesn't heal all that well,all that well...
I need you to tell me you'll be right by my side!!When I feel alone, you'll be right by my side in a crazy world, you'll be right by my side